Psychiatric Hotline
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:
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If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
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If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
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If you have multiple personalities, please
press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
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If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are
and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace the call.
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If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little
voice will tell you which number to press.
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If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press. No one will answer....
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If you are a Republican presidential candidate of the
religious right, stay on the line, and
God will tell you what to do next.
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